Well the stage is set, the auditorium has been finalized( a far cry from the Vintage auditorium of my dear college). The invitations are being sent out in frenzy, the sponsors are being hunted, the item dancers being preyed for........ hold ur breath THE CRACKATOPIA awards...... well its awards season and every damn channel is selling a trophy( the nominess are ........, the gala night, watch the stars comin on my damn idiotbox)so these awards are not (ooooooo... OSCARS) or the damn (........ RAZZIES) but a proper ceremonial awards on the internet with a lot of paparazzi( oh! i am lovin it) So the hunt has begun for the sponsors( a sponsor who identifies that his brand can go down with me!!!!)and the best part is ITEM SONGS( aah now comes my part)so the list is fairly simple, we have asked Britney to do a Womanizer encore( please keep children at home), for the sake of good old times Janet Jackson has agreed to arrange a wardrobe for the show. Then we have the usual platoon of singers who will croon all through the night, So the TEMPTATIONS be FORGETTABLE and let us concentrate on more SERIOUS things, oki the statute must be of a certain purpose(let it be souvenir of the past year ah! the FAMOUS SHOE size 10 black leather!!! and encrust it with swaroski crystals (oye taste shaste ke liye)and the anchor finally RAAKHI SAAWANT ( well i wanted her to be wacked by a swaroski shoe by someone from media who would get tired of her crushed cat face and she will go cryin on all TV channles== publicity of my awards). So let us start the glamour ceremony.............
The nite begins with
The Lost In Confusion Award : Abhishek Bachhan in Drona( dude ever seen a jackass on horse).
The What the Hell Was That Award : Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi ( i better get my DNA tattoed so that my goddamn wife recognizes me, or better get SRK a Lenovo Laptop please.........)
The Who Let The Dogs Out Award : Meryll Lynch( fella we still don't know how long will it rain cats and dogs )
The WMD of the year : Mamta Bannerjee( no comments here some names speak enough)
The Cook of The Year : Ramalinga Raaju ( "IT" was being "cooked" for the past three years).
The Director of The Year: LeT ( they directed the blockbuster of the year from Karachi, people in this country produce shit like
The IRAQI INFORMATION MINISTER award : Dr Zaid Hamid ( i still love his zionist part and the babe who was the senator).(Dr Amar Singh was a close second)
The Phrase of The Year : NON-STATE ACTORS( the left parties of India have formed a unioun to protect their rights and will go on indefinite strike of the year).
The TURN COAT of the year: Well all you PAKIs ( Zardari, Gilani, Sookhani, Marjaani and whatever deserve apiece of the jewel in black).
The FAUX PAS of the Year : Uma Bharti( for releasing a CD on Vote for Cash Scam, a total hoax as her character)
The Scandal Of The Year : Is Raghu a Gay????( watch him oogling the cuts of Sufi Malhotra in Mumbai Auditions)
The MOVIE of the Year : DESHDROHI............( u deserve it fella even the ban in Maharshtra cudnt sell your tickets)
The INDIAN IDLE of the year : Stockbroker( what where you doin when the stocks were in free fall)
The CRYOVERSPILLEDMILK award: FORD( we want $25b to make cars we never wanted to sell and thought no one would buy)
The Bakra of the Year : Indian Intelligence( every time a blast occurs these underpaid, undertrained people are blamed for the skeletons in cupboard).
The MADAM TUSSUAD Statue of the Year:Shivraj Patil( for striking a picture perfect statute after every blast, hum high command se baat karke kuch faisla lenge)
and Finally The Biggest of em all
THE CRACKATOPIA AWARD calling upon SRK,AK,SK to announce the award( no fights please gentlemen) and the award goes to.........................
These suckers only for fighting over a goddamn fiefdom called bollywood........ have a great new year............
Posted by
Tarang
at
4:36 AM
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